How Can We Improve our Writing?

After reading through many of your writing pieces it seems many of you are still unsure of how to structure a sentence, expand on your sentences and switch from 1st person to 3rd in the middle of your story, or choose apporopriate emotive words that fit your setting and situation.
He are some extracts from your writing. How can we improve these pieces of writing.

In a world full of men and robots. Lived a man named David. He lived with his handy robot Jack 301.David was a great man. He had black hair, with bright blue eyes. On Sunday at 8:30 David was jogging as usual. When suddenly a big black robot with a razor sharp chainsaw as an arm bumped into me. I got up and asked him what his problem was?….

“Bark Bark” my dog shockingly screamed after being swept away into a vicious strong river. The re was no hope to rescue my horrified black dog. But then I thought to myslef this wonderfuldog is part of my bright life. I need to get him back…..

On a hot day me and my friend Lardy were wearing socks and T-shirts. We walked down the street. We found a wallet. It had $1,000 in it. Lardy said “Cool. How much money!” “Lets go to the bike shop” “Ok” I said So we walked down to the bike shop. It was cool. There was so many bikes to choose from….

Bang in a very noisy day I was walking with my mum at the shops in Melbourne. We ate some icecream and had some hot food after that we left so we could go home I accidently dropped Mum’s house keys. I looked everywhere and I couldnt see them anywhere and after a few moments I saw something spikey so i went and grabbed it. It was the keys and mum was really happy with me..

Do these paragraphs make sense? How can we improve our writing?


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